It is very difficult to love your parents, I understand. The relationship is such that when a child is born the parents love the child -- it is instinctive. With the mother it is more so, because the father is not a natural phenomenon; it is just institutional. But the mother has an instinctive love towards the child. Not that she loves you -- there is no conscious decision about it, it is a natural pull just like gravitation. But the same pull does not exist from the child towards the mother; it cannot exist. It will exist from you towards your children -- that's the way the future is protected; that's a natural in-built mechanism to protect the future.
Your mother loved you, your father loved you... you will love your children, they will love their children. Nature is interested in the future, in the survival -- not in the past.
So there is no natural instinct for the child to love the mother. It has to be done with deep understanding. One has to be alert about it that it is just instinctive that the mother loves you and that it is also instinctive that you don't have any pull of that sort.
You can fulfil the duty, but if you don't have the pull, fulfilling the duty becomes ugly, so what is the way out? The natural pull is not there. You can force yourself unnaturally, but that is not good it kills your spontaneity and it makes you pretentious, and pretence is not good. Then what is the way out? The way out is to become more present.
Pretence is not the way, presence is the way... to become more alert about the situation -- that the mother carried you in her womb for nine months, that half of your being consists of your mother and half of your being consists of your father.You are here because of them: if they were not here you would not be here. All that is happening to you is, in a way, because of them.... One has to become aware of this.
And they have done much whatever they could do; more was not possible. Knowing well the type of persons they are, more was not possible so more cannot be expected. Whatever they did, that was all they could do -- they did their utmost. They have not been lacking, but they have a certain type of personality, they have a certain mechanism, and they are not meditators, so your responsibility becomes greater than their responsibility.
Whenever a person is in meditation, his responsibility is more than the person who is not in meditation, because more is expected from you -- existence expects more. It is almost like a man is walking on the road, drunk. You don't expect much -- if he goes to the wrong side, it's fine; if he sits just in the middle of the road, that too is all right. But you are not drunk. If you go to the wrong side, that is not acceptable: your responsibility is greater.
Exactly the same is the case with people who are not in meditation and they are living an almost mechanical life -- they may be your parents, may not be your parents; that is not the point. But you have entered a new life, you have entered in a new stream of consciousness, you have become a 'srotapanna'. Now your responsibility is greater... greater than ever! And you will not be able to forgive yourself if you do something irresponsibly.
This responsibility is not something that comes from the outside. Nobody can force anything on you, nobody is there to force. It comes from within; it is just your understanding that makes you responsible for many things. So just see the point: they are the type of people they are. Whatever they could do, they did -- to ask for more is meaningless. So whatever they have done you have to feel grateful for. And whatever is happening to you and will happen to you, they remain the causes. If some day you become enlightened, then you will have to feel grateful towards them. If you are breathing it is because of them, because they loved each other. If you are here, listening to me, it is because of them. They remain your foundation so don't forget the foundation, that's all.
It is not a duty, you cannot make it a duty. It cannot be a natural love, it can only be a compassion in deep understanding. I call it compassion. And when a child can feel compassion for his or her parents, great is the benefit for them and greater is the benefit for you. You will feel tremendously happy, at ease. You will feel very relaxed when you have carried out your responsibilities fully alert and aware.
So you just go and tell them and make them feel it is not only a question of telling: let them feel while you are there -- that they can depend on you, they can rely on you, that whenever the need arises you will be there. It's not a question of guarantee; it is guaranteed.
This time relate with them in a different way. Be more alert, look into your mother's eyes.... You may not have looked for years or you may not have looked at all. Nobody
looks into the mother's eyes -- a poor woman, she has lived a life but nothing much has happened to her. She may die without meditation, without prayer, without knowing anything of God. Feel for her, hold her hand, hug her! She is part of you, you are part of her! And in this way you can bring some new glimpse to them. Look into your father's eyes. Some day he will die and then there will be no
way to relate to him and you will miss him.
When a father dies, his death hurts very much -- not only as death. Death hurts naturally, but it hurts more when it is your father, because now there is nobody left to whom you can go and feel grateful, to whom you can go and do something that you always wanted to do, but you never did. Look into his eyes, hold his hand... do something for him! The death of the parents hurts more because now there is no chance to relate with them again. You will not be meeting them again ever. Life is so fragile! So whenever you are near your parents, remember one thing: they will die before you. You will be here for many years without them; then there will be no chance even to ask their forgiveness.
So don't miss this moment -- this time really be with them. Do something -- whatever you feel like doing -- feel for them, and maybe through your love, through your compassion, understanding, a new breeze enters their life, a new window opens. Talk about meditation; and they will ask you about it. They will see that you have changed, because you have never looked into their eyes, you have never been so loving, so understanding, so responsible... they will feel it! If they cannot feel it, then who will? The same life energy continues in you; you exist on the same wavelength. If they cannot feel then nobody can; they will be the first persons to feel. So let them feel what has happened to you, let them enquire,
talk to them, talk about me, take a few tapes. Sometimes meditate and tell them just to sit and see what happens. Let there be meditative energy in your home. One never knows -- a door can open any moment.
And they have been seeking the same joy that you are seeking, the same search has been there...perhaps unconsciously. Maybe they were not so fortunate and they couldn't find some key to open the locks, maybe they were trying to search but in the wrong direction --somehow it didn't happen. But if it has happened to you and is happening to you, take the message to them.
Your mother loved you, your father loved you... you will love your children, they will love their children. Nature is interested in the future, in the survival -- not in the past.
So there is no natural instinct for the child to love the mother. It has to be done with deep understanding. One has to be alert about it that it is just instinctive that the mother loves you and that it is also instinctive that you don't have any pull of that sort.
You can fulfil the duty, but if you don't have the pull, fulfilling the duty becomes ugly, so what is the way out? The natural pull is not there. You can force yourself unnaturally, but that is not good it kills your spontaneity and it makes you pretentious, and pretence is not good. Then what is the way out? The way out is to become more present.
Pretence is not the way, presence is the way... to become more alert about the situation -- that the mother carried you in her womb for nine months, that half of your being consists of your mother and half of your being consists of your father.You are here because of them: if they were not here you would not be here. All that is happening to you is, in a way, because of them.... One has to become aware of this.
And they have done much whatever they could do; more was not possible. Knowing well the type of persons they are, more was not possible so more cannot be expected. Whatever they did, that was all they could do -- they did their utmost. They have not been lacking, but they have a certain type of personality, they have a certain mechanism, and they are not meditators, so your responsibility becomes greater than their responsibility.
Whenever a person is in meditation, his responsibility is more than the person who is not in meditation, because more is expected from you -- existence expects more. It is almost like a man is walking on the road, drunk. You don't expect much -- if he goes to the wrong side, it's fine; if he sits just in the middle of the road, that too is all right. But you are not drunk. If you go to the wrong side, that is not acceptable: your responsibility is greater.
Exactly the same is the case with people who are not in meditation and they are living an almost mechanical life -- they may be your parents, may not be your parents; that is not the point. But you have entered a new life, you have entered in a new stream of consciousness, you have become a 'srotapanna'. Now your responsibility is greater... greater than ever! And you will not be able to forgive yourself if you do something irresponsibly.
This responsibility is not something that comes from the outside. Nobody can force anything on you, nobody is there to force. It comes from within; it is just your understanding that makes you responsible for many things. So just see the point: they are the type of people they are. Whatever they could do, they did -- to ask for more is meaningless. So whatever they have done you have to feel grateful for. And whatever is happening to you and will happen to you, they remain the causes. If some day you become enlightened, then you will have to feel grateful towards them. If you are breathing it is because of them, because they loved each other. If you are here, listening to me, it is because of them. They remain your foundation so don't forget the foundation, that's all.
It is not a duty, you cannot make it a duty. It cannot be a natural love, it can only be a compassion in deep understanding. I call it compassion. And when a child can feel compassion for his or her parents, great is the benefit for them and greater is the benefit for you. You will feel tremendously happy, at ease. You will feel very relaxed when you have carried out your responsibilities fully alert and aware.
So you just go and tell them and make them feel it is not only a question of telling: let them feel while you are there -- that they can depend on you, they can rely on you, that whenever the need arises you will be there. It's not a question of guarantee; it is guaranteed.
This time relate with them in a different way. Be more alert, look into your mother's eyes.... You may not have looked for years or you may not have looked at all. Nobody
looks into the mother's eyes -- a poor woman, she has lived a life but nothing much has happened to her. She may die without meditation, without prayer, without knowing anything of God. Feel for her, hold her hand, hug her! She is part of you, you are part of her! And in this way you can bring some new glimpse to them. Look into your father's eyes. Some day he will die and then there will be no
way to relate to him and you will miss him.
When a father dies, his death hurts very much -- not only as death. Death hurts naturally, but it hurts more when it is your father, because now there is nobody left to whom you can go and feel grateful, to whom you can go and do something that you always wanted to do, but you never did. Look into his eyes, hold his hand... do something for him! The death of the parents hurts more because now there is no chance to relate with them again. You will not be meeting them again ever. Life is so fragile! So whenever you are near your parents, remember one thing: they will die before you. You will be here for many years without them; then there will be no chance even to ask their forgiveness.
So don't miss this moment -- this time really be with them. Do something -- whatever you feel like doing -- feel for them, and maybe through your love, through your compassion, understanding, a new breeze enters their life, a new window opens. Talk about meditation; and they will ask you about it. They will see that you have changed, because you have never looked into their eyes, you have never been so loving, so understanding, so responsible... they will feel it! If they cannot feel it, then who will? The same life energy continues in you; you exist on the same wavelength. If they cannot feel then nobody can; they will be the first persons to feel. So let them feel what has happened to you, let them enquire,
talk to them, talk about me, take a few tapes. Sometimes meditate and tell them just to sit and see what happens. Let there be meditative energy in your home. One never knows -- a door can open any moment.
And they have been seeking the same joy that you are seeking, the same search has been there...perhaps unconsciously. Maybe they were not so fortunate and they couldn't find some key to open the locks, maybe they were trying to search but in the wrong direction --somehow it didn't happen. But if it has happened to you and is happening to you, take the message to them.
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